Just A Whisper In The Dark


Life takes us sometimes, grabs us tightly around the waist, turns us upside down, and shakes us until we are mere shadows of what we once were. Then, just as abruptly, it sets us back in an upright and locked position, only without everything solidly locked back into place.

This is when healing and growth takes place.

It’s hell.

Some of us heal faster than others with the kindness of strangers bestowed upon us. Strangers who find all that which we’ve lost and gift us new things we need to deal with this new “self” we’ve been gifted.

Some of us, even with the kindness of strangers, don’t heal as fast. That’s okay too. It’s frustrating but we are all on our own journey. Your journey will not look like her journey or his journey or even my journey. Sure, we can sit around a campfire, compare notes, and possibly even realize we have some things in common but ultimately, we are all on our own island, struggling to survive.

Technology has made it easier to connect between these islands and created a virtual campfire.

But it’s also made it easier for those who don’t support us to fling unsupportive words our way as we try to share and reach out for the support we so desperately need.

So we find ourselves stuck.

Stuck between needing to reach out to those like us and not wanting those who don’t understand to turn our cries for support into fodder for their attacks.

We might freeze. We might get silent, watchful, worried, allow the fear of attack to keep us from fully healing. Until.

Until we realize that it’s OUR STORY, and we have a right to share our story. We inhale, brace ourselves, and begin to speak up. Maybe a whisper at first, but eventually it turns into a barbaric YAWP as we realize we are above those who would grab us and keep us down, that in order to heal, we must learn to shake off the chains of that which has held us down in the past.

It’s important for us to give ourselves permission to be that which we think others won’t let us be as we move forward. No one has the right to tell you who you are…aside from yourself. One of my favourite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

No more complicit participation in accepting that I am anything less than ME – a mental health advocate, a Mom, a girlfriend, a woman, a daughter, a sister, and someone searching for herself in the wind.

This is me.

Working toward my barbaric YAWP.

Postpartum Health Activist Writer’s Monthly Challenge 2012


Hey y’all!

Over at WEGO Health, April is their Health Activist Writer’s Month. They host a 30 day writer’s challenge to go along with this month. When you sign up, you’ll get prompts via email for 30 days. If I remember correctly from last year, they do send them out in advance so you’re not scrambling to write posts at the last minute.

I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. I hope you’ll join me in writing every day about health. It’s going to be a lot of fun and I’d love to see what you have to say about each of the topics, too. Of course, I’ll be spinning the topics to relate to Postpartum Mood Disorders. I really hope you’ll jump in here with me!

All you have to do to join is click the banner below to sign up and you’ll be able to start posting once April rolls around.

Looking forward to writing with you! Let’s make sure Postpartum Mood Disorders are well-represented!

The monster in the corner


The following post was written as part of this week’s daily prompt from The Red Dress Club.

We were to take something ugly and find the beauty in it.

Please note that this particular post may be triggering for some still in the midst of a

Postpartum Mood Disorder as some of the imagery might get very intense.

For others, welcome, and I hope you enjoy what I have attempted to capture.

The Monster in the Corner

Once upon a time, in the dark corner of my room, there lived a monster. I gave birth to him almost six years ago, an unintentional sibling to my firstborn. Rippled with muscles, green, slimy, odoriferous, vicious, snarling, he clung to the wall and the darkness, hissing at me every time I dared to glance in his direction.

He watched over me as I slept, breathing heavily in my ear, drooling on my cheek, his arms holding me hostage in bed. I tossed and turned, restless, desperate to free myself from his grasp.

Days were worse.

When I finally rose from bed, he’d cling to my back, digging his claws into my shoulders, his weight-bearing down on me as if I were borne down with horrible sins from my past. My mind raced, my heart beat faster, I failed to control thoughts, tears slipped down my pale and hollow cheeks. Everyone else could see him, I just knew it. He was the reason they stared at me as if I had gone mad. I shriveled up, a mere shadow of myself barely able to fit into my old life.

I gasped, I begged, I pleaded, I beat my back against a hard surface every chance I got just to knock him loose. Nothing worked. I hated him. He delighted in torturing me. But there we were, roommates trapped in the same house.

Until one day.

One day I arose with the determination not to let his weight bother my frail frame as he clambered gleefully once again onto my shoulders. As his claws dug into my shoulders, I screamed with a passion unknown to me, “NOOOOOOOO!!!!”

He stopped, claws in mid-air, legs squeezing my midsection with a fearful ferocity. The howl he loosed from his throat echoed eerily against the plain white walls, searing my very soul.

I screamed again.

“GET DOWN! NOW. I’M DONE!” I clenched my fists together, straightened my back, and planted my feet.

His thighs weakened, his arms lowered as he growled again, this time deep and threatening instead of loud and searing.

“Did you hear me? I’m DONE!!!!! GET OFF ME. NOT TODAY. NOT TOMORROW! I’M DONE!” This time, his legs slid down my hips and thighs, leaving a slimy trail behind. His feet crashed to the floor, his shoulders hunched over, his head hung down, the spikes on his forehead finally hidden.

As I watched, he melted, muscles oozed down his body, his skin softened, his body curved, and turned a soft peach, his head replaced by a soft and rounded orb covered with long brown hair. He curled into a ball on the floor as he fought the rush of sudden changes, his chest heaving, his arms and legs twitching back and forth as they rearranged themselves. All at once, his frame changed completely, wood and glass, standing in the corner. I stepped closer, my own arms and legs trembling. My feet hit the ground tentatively, almost collapsing with each new step. As I grew closer and closer, each step firmer and firmer, my mouth pulled up at the corners.

That smile, that huge victorious grin, filled with happiness and joy once more, shone brightly back at me as I reached my former dark corner, now illuminated with the reflection of one of the strongest and most beautiful people I have ever known.

Me.