Category Archives: media sensationalism

In the Aftermath of Tragedy

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There was an event this morning, as I’m sure many are already aware – how could you not be? You won’t find a link to it within this post. It is horrible, and people struggle to make sense of this senseless tragedy as the news races across every platform to which I (and you) belong.

People sharing every shred of new information as the media spoon feeds it to us, commenting on how the media should be handling the situation, what could have been done to prevent it, quarterbacking the chaotic mess from the safety of their living rooms, coffee houses, and wherever else they may be. For some, it may be their job. For others, they may simply be newshounds obsessed with over-sharing the hot story of the day or the moment. For others, they may have followers in the area or live there themselves.

For those of us who struggle with things like OCD which sprung up after childbirth, a disorder of which harmful thoughts toward our own children is a hallmark, days like today are HARD. For those of us who struggle with any sort of mental illness and are triggered by disaster or tragedy, days like today are damn near impossible.

I just spent 45 minutes cleaning the bathroom. Why? Because ALL that was on my timeline at Twitter and Facebook was in regards to the events at an elementary school today and I couldn’t cope with every shred of information overwhelming my otherwise cheery feed. I needed today to be happy. Selfish of me considering it’s horrible for so many in that town?

No.

It’s self-protective.

In this day and age, when we have the most access to information, we also have the MOST CONTROL over what comes into our lives, into our digital lives. If we can’t handle it or we find ourselves triggered, turn it off. Walk away. Go do something productive. Don’t let the chaos swallow you whole.

This is a lesson I learned nearly 5 years ago when, after watching a live car chase, the man responsible exited the vehicle with an infant in one arm, a handgun in his other hand. I don’t know how it ended by that image is forever burned on my psyche.

I have a fast and hard rule – unless it affects me directly, I don’t watch or read the news. I haven’t intentionally turned on a network based news broadcast in years. If I watch anything political, I watch CSPAN. Why? Because I know that I am easily triggered.

If you’re active on Social Media, as I am, please ask yourself before you RT every bit of evidence/news regarding an unfolding story -

  • What’s the point of this RT?
  • How will it help my followers?
  • Do they need to know this?

If you have followers in the area in which the situation is unfolding, then yes, share. I RT’d a lot of information regarding Sandy and resources – even though Sandy was and still is somewhat triggering for me. But if the event will only serve to potentially trigger my followers (most of whom follow me for my PPD work), I don’t RT it. Not because I want them to be in the dark, but because I don’t want to add to something which may already be triggering for them. Instead, I let them know that I am aware of the situation and I’m available to talk if they need. Then I suggest they @ or DM me – because I’m not going to be active on Social Media once an event like today’s blows up my timeline.

If you find yourself triggered today as well, know that there is help. Reach out. Talk to someone. Unplug from Social Media and the Internet if it’s too much. Go do a puzzle. Take a walk. Bake a cake. Coffee with a friend. Playground with your kids. Watch a funny movie or some stand-up comedy. Call your therapist if you have to.

Laugh. Live. Love.

Days like today hurt because they remind us of our mortality and how fragile it is – no one wants to be reminded of that. No one wants to have it shoved in our faces.

Sometimes, as hard as they had it, I think our forefathers had it easier because they didn’t get this sort of thing tearing into their day. Sure they lived shorter lives because they didn’t have access to the medical technology and other technology which extends our lives today but you know what?

I’m willing to bet their lives were happier.

If you are in the U.S. and find yourself triggered by today’s events, please reach out to @distressline on Twitter or call their Hotline (1-800-985-5990) or SMS (text TalkWithUs to 66746) operate 24/7 to be connected with a trained volunteer who can talk you through your feelings & connect you with local resources.

When Marketing forgoes facts

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This past Tuesday, an article by Sheryl Paul entitled “Three Tips for Navigating Motherhood” was published at Maria Shriver’s website. After public outcry regarding the contents, the article has subsequently been removed. But for 48 hours, the article existed and was accessible to an enormous amount of traffic. Maria Shriver has just over 900k followers on Twitter and is well known as an activist and celebrity. When she speaks or shares something, a lot of people listen.

In this case, the danger of deciding to post Sheryl Paul’s article lies within the manner in which Ms. Paul treats Postpartum Depression. According to Ms. Paul’s article at Maria’s site,

“Pregnancy anxiety and postpartum depression are avoidable and preventable! They both result from normal thoughts and feelings that are pushed underground because we don’t realize that they’re normal, where they then grow into an unmanageable state.”

While I agree that most pregnancy anxiety and postpartum depression is avoidable and preventable, some cases are not. These cases more than likely do not result from normal thoughts and feelings which are pushed underground. Research over the past years has proven a biological and chemical link to more severe cases of Postpartum Mood Disorders. Cortisone levels, etc, are often higher in those who experience Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders. Research continues into the root cause of Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders so we can better help those who struggle with this difficult condition. Ms. Paul also stated these emotions are rooted in a deep sense of loss which accompanies any transition, emotions we push aside in order to “focus on buying the right car seat.” These emotions then “mutate into anxiety, and your doctor suggests anti-anxiety medication.” Really, Ms. Paul? Because Hippocrates wrote about PMAD’s and I’m pretty sure the ancient Greeks didn’t need to purchase car seats.

First of all, shame on any doctor who prescribes an anti-anxiety med just because. Secondly, some women truly do suffer from anxiety. From depression. Regardless of how intuitive they are with their own emotions. Failure to explore yourself emotionally at every stage of a transition is not the root of Postpartum Depression or Anxiety. To tell a woman in the throes of a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder such sets her up for even more guilt and anxiety in my personal opinion. Time and time again, we must defend our experience with this issue. Time and time again we are told by too many our experiences are not real. If we had only done this or done that, we would be fine. It’s all in our heads. We need to buck up, just get over it, snap out of it, look inward, pull ourselves up, grin and bear it.

I call bullshit.

Some of us have true issues. Mental Illness is not some facade. It’s not some excuse we use to get out of Motherhood. It’s not something into which we collapse willingly because Motherhood isn’t all we dreamed it would be once we arrive. It’s not because we don’t know ourselves. It’s not because we didn’t get in touch with our inner “woman” before giving birth. It’s certainly not because we didn’t accept the loss of self prior to and/or after birth. There are physical causes in which some cases of Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders are rooted – thyroid issues, iron deficiencies, Vitamin D deficiencies, trauma, etc, all of which cannot be cured by simply “emotionally exploring oneself during transitional phases.” To quote Rene Russo from Lethal Weapon 4: “THIS IS NO GODDAMN ASPECT OF A TRANSITION PHASE!”

Yes, there are transitions involved with Motherhood. There is a loss of sense of self. Many struggle to adjust. But even those who are the picture of perfection may fall into Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder. You see, PMAD’s are non-discriminatory. They don’t recognize emotional health, societal status, natural or medicated childbirth, breastfeeding or not-breastfeeding, traumatic or non-traumatic birth, etc. I’ve known professional therapists, psychiatrists, and OB caregivers who have struggled with a PMAD and not recognized what’s going on with them. People in the know, people aware of what’s going on in the transitional phases. And yet, they still end up with a PMAD. Yes, some pre-existing conditions do put you at a higher risk but overall, Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders are the number one complication of childbirth regardless of your monetary or social support bank account.

When you recognize the signs and symptoms of a PMAD within yourself or a loved one, you seek answers. Solutions. That answer or solution should never discount your feelings or emotions. The issue at hand is not easily solved in 10-15 minutes per day as Sheryl Paul claims about her courses within a video at her website:

“If you follow this road map, which isn’t hard to do, it takes just 10-15 minutes a day, you will prevent Postpartum Depression, you will feel empowered as a new mother, and you will be giving your baby the best possible beginning for emotional health.”

The above quote preys upon vulnerable mothers who desperately want a better life for their “baby.” It’s irresponsible marketing, pure and simple. The only goal here is to get $200 into Sheryl Paul’s pocket – a bargain, she says, at her website, because the course is easily worth $1000 but because she wants everyone to have access, she only charges $197 for it. You can also opt to pay for it in two installments. So you see, for about the same price as a car seat, you can buy your way into avoiding Postpartum Depression but avoid shelling out money for anti-anxiety meds.

Careful, Sheryl, if someone buys your course and still experiences Postpartum Depression? Under the Lanham Act, she can sue you. She can also report you to the FTC. The Better Business Bureau. Also? Instructing a severely depressed mother to “explore her feelings” may lead her to conclude suicide is the only way out. Is that something you really want on your hands? What about Psychosis, which is a medical emergency? Should a mother “explore” those feelings as well? If you are going to mention Postpartum Mood Disorders, you absolutely need to be responsible in regards to all aspects of the spectrum, something this piece and your website fail to do, which is extremely dangerous.

I have zero respect for any caregiver treating Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders as a fallacy or claiming to completely prevent the experience. For those of us who have fought the battle, it feels as if we have been discounted. As if we must stand up and defend ourselves. It tears us down. Angers us to see our difficult journey dismissed. It makes us feel we failed because we didn’t prevent our experience. Would you tear someone’s cast off and beat their broken bone? No. You wouldn’t. Don’t do the same to those of us who have experienced a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder.

Birth is a powerful event. Every woman has a different story, a journey which is all her own. No one, anywhere, should ever discount the story of another. If you’ve avoided a PMAD, I’m happy for you. I’m happy you were not subjected to the many circles of hell so many mothers (including myself) have been. I’m glad you found something which worked for you. Don’t claim to cure my situation with your solution. Don’t ignore the facts. Support me as I find my own, regardless of what that may include. I may need to take medication. I may need therapy. I may need hospitalization. And that’s okay. It’s also okay if you found success with natural approaches.You have to do what works for you. Be open to the fact that my path may be different than yours.

Bottom line here: People who claim to completely prevent Postpartum Depression are dangerous. You can do everything Sheryl tells you to and still end up with a Postpartum Mood Disorder. And yet, you won’t be educated about Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders. You’ll be educated instead in how to explore your emotions instead of what to do when you can’t get out of bed in the morning or brush your teeth, or even make small talk with another adult. You won’t know how to recognize Psychosis. You won’t know that an intrusive thought isn’t Psychosis. You won’t be empowered to go to your doctor for help because well, Sheryl’s program more than likely doesn’t cover such a course of action.

If you or someone you love is struggling during pregnancy or after birth with a possible Mood Disorder, go visit Postpartum Support International for information and support. If you’re suicidal, there’s a helpline at the top of the sidebar here at My Postpartum Voice. If you want a powerful community at your fingertips, go visit Twitter and use the hashtag #PPDChat for moms just like you. Our moms range from those who have been hospitalized to those who have used natural methods, etc, to battle Postpartum Mood Disorders. We are all over the world and there is always someone watching the hashtag. You’re not alone and we’ll give you more than 10-15 minutes of our time every day if you need it. Best of all? It’s FREE.

Casey Anthony: An Unhealthy Obsession

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Long before the advent of social media, we relied upon newspapers, letters, and eventually television news anchors to deliver news to our homes. People crowded outside stores to hear of John F. Kennedy’s assassination on TV. They gathered in living rooms to watch the Apollo land on the moon. Americans are obsessed with news. So much so that there are now full networks solely dedicated to delivering news of all sorts to our homes, our places of business, our phones, our computers, our everything every second of every day. We fear we will miss something.

Today, a verdict in a high-profile case sped across fiber-optic networks, flung itself through the air and landed in our laps. Casey Anthony. Not guilty of first degree murder. Reaction to the verdict was swift. Filled with shock as we often are when a child’s murder hangs in the balance. As parents, it is hard to understand how another parent could possibly do the unthinkable and murder the very being which sprung from their bodies. In fear, in anger, we judge those who commit these horrific acts long before any court hears the evidence, long before any jury is given time to deliberate the delivered evidence.

Our court system is no longer allowed to do its job before we jump to conclusions about the innocence of the accused. Instead, we assign their fate in our mind long before any motion is even filed to bring charges. We discuss our opinions at length with those available to us via social media. Our hands fly across the keyboard in desperate attempts to make sense of tragedy without all the facts at hand, spilling our judgments forth to those who will listen and respond in kind. In doing so, we create a society filled with hatred and judgment. In doing so, we create a society now steeped in anxiety and fear. In doing so, we fail to allow our society to function in a just and proper manner. In doing so, we gossip.

So many mothers have come to me to express struggles with the Casey Anthony case. They can’t turn off the live coverage. It seeps into their life. Through Twitter. Through Facebook. Through the news networks. Through the frenzied need we all have to discuss how a mother could possibly murder her own child. IF she murdered her own child, a truth we will probably never be privy to now. More than anything, I am grateful this case is over for the time being. My heart breaks for Casey. For Caylee. For the mothers who are struggling with a Postpartum Mood Disorder and have been horrifically triggered by this case as they themselves struggle through the darkness. The anxiety and fear caused by media sensationalism of the Anthony case has been mind-blowing for so many.

I do not know if Casey Anthony murdered Caylee. The death of any child is senseless. We fail to understand the heartbreaking loss unless we have, ourselves, been through such senseless loss. We fail to understand the motives of a parent who murders a child unless we, ourselves, have done so. As a parent who has, in the past, been dangerously close to committing such a crime, I understand the desperation. I understand the fear, the irrational thoughts which grab you by the hand and lead you down the dark deep path of filicide and infanticide. I almost reached the end of my path. Thankfully, I did not. A detour presented itself – a road called Help. Along this road were family, friends, understanding doctors. Not all mothers encounter this detour. Many mothers find themselves wandering down this dark lane, alone, without a shred of hope to light the way. There is literally no other way out for them.

Again, I do not know why or if Casey Anthony murdered poor little Caylee. But if she did, I know her heart is struggling. I know her parents are mourning the loss of their granddaughter. There is a lot of hurt within the Anthony family. I pray they are able to move forward with their lives.

It saddens me to see many of the comments on Twitter in judgment of Casey. It’s not our place. It’s not our responsibility. She has been tried by her peers in a court of law. They made the decision they thought best with information provided to them by the prosecution. Yes, we should absolutely protect our children at all costs. Yes, we should do all we can, in our power, as parents, to ensure our children thrive. It’s also our responsibility to raise them to be fair. To be just. To be loving, responsible, respectful. Are we doing that when we sit in judgment of Casey instead of loving her as a very hurt mother and person? Are we doing that when we allow ourselves to be flooded with anger about her verdict? Are we doing that when we lie down and allow the media to create a circus out of a very tragic situation? No. We’re feeding into the frenzy. We are granting the media permission to continue to judge us, to try us in a public court without the facts – just opinions. We are blurring the very lines of right and wrong. We are blurring the line of just and unjust. We are feeding the anxiety filled beast which keeps so many of us up at night.

Years ago, I turned off the news after watching a live car chase. At the end of the car chase, a man jumped out of the vehicle, clutching an infant in one arm, a hand gun in the other. My just born son was in my own arms when this happened. I shrieked, scaring my son. My husband made me turn off the TV right then and there. I don’t know what happened. I don’t want to know what happened. My son was safe. I was safe. Nothing more mattered. I read my news online. I only click if I feel I can handle the information awaiting me behind my click. When you struggle with a Postpartum Mood Disorder, you have to control the information which comes into your life. This means cancelling newspaper subscriptions. Turning off the evening news. When was the last time you saw a positive news story on the 6 o’clock news? Walk away. Break the information addiction. Teach your children life is not just about death and dying. Don’t overprotect them to the point that they don’t understand death and dying, but don’t allow it to become their life. Find a balance. For yourself. For your children. Refuse to lie down and let the media control your emotions. Stand up. Take charge. Fight back. Reclaim your peace. You owe it to yourself. And to your children.